Adopt English as the preferred language
Posted by Yahtzee on July 13, 1997 at 15:37:30:

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement
has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European
communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government
conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted
a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for

In the first year, "s"
will be used instead of the soft "
Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy.

Also, the hard "c"
will be replaced with "
Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less

There will be growing publik emthusiasm in the sekond
year, when the troublesome "
will be replaced by "
This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling
kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters,
which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre
that the horible mes of
silent "e"s
in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such
as replasing "th" by "
and "
w" by "v"

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o"
kan be dropd from vords kontaining "
and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand
ech ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru.*

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