Never Gonna Stay In Your Hotella No More

The Manager
Y.M.C.A. Hotel
LONDON

Roma 28 sept. 1981

Dear signore Direttore, Noew I am tella you story wot I was a-treated at jour hotella.

I am a-comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay as a-younga christian man at your hotella.

When I comma in my room I see there is no shit in my bed - how can I sleep with no shit in my
bed? So I calla down receptione and tella: "I wanta shit" They tella me: "Go to toilet" I say:"No, no I
wanta shit in my bed". They say: "You'd better not shit in your bed, you sonna-wa-bitch". What is
sonna-wa-bitch?

I go down for breakfast into restorante. I order bacon and egga and two pissis of toast. I getta only
one piss of toast. I tella waitress, and point at toast: "I wanta piss". She tella me: "Go to toilet". I say:
"No, no I wanta piss on my plate". She then say to me: "You bloody wella not piss on the plate, you
sonna-wa-bitch".

This is the second person who do not even know me calla me "sonna.wa.bitch", and why is your
staff replying "Go to toilet", is that a modern tella? I do no undestand, please tella me!

Later I go for dinner in your restorante. Spoon and knife is laid out, but no fock. I tella waitress: "I
wanta fock". And she tella me: "Sure, everyone wanta fock". I tella her: "No, no you don't
understanda me, I wanta fock on the table". She tella me: "Soyou sonna-wa-bitch wanta fock on the
table? Get your ass out of here!" How comma this christian hotella tella the guest in such bad
manner?

So I go to receptione and ask for bill. I no wanta stay in this hotel no more. When I have paid the
a-billa the portier say to me: "Thank you, and piss on You". I say: "Piss on you too, you
sonna-wa-bitch. I now go back to Italy". Directore, I never gonna stay in your hotella no more, you
sonna-wa-bitch.

Sincerely
Dicci Elgré