Failure is not when your girlfriend leaves you,
it's only when you leave her a virgin

Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror is when girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror is when both are pregnant!
Tragedy is when you are not responsible for both!

The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the female.
And you always wondered why the sea tasted salty?

Why is it that a girl looks down when you say I love you?
To see if you really mean it!

Why is sex similar to shaving?
Well, because no matter how well you do it today, tomorrow you have to do it again with same perfection.

Wives are funny creatures.
They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks
And then they want to kill the woman who does.

Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic sex.
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.

The stock markets now are like an old man's dick?
Just refusing to rise, and the irony is that everyone
Is still getting screwed!

This week is Breast Awareness Week.
Spread the slogan .......
"We stare because we care!"

The saddest part of a man's body is his balls.
The Lord Almighty sentenced them to "Hang Till Death!"

A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in.
He sees a guy leaping out of the window.
Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.

What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?
Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock.

If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?
Tit-Bits.
And if it bursts in a man's underwear?
Banana split.

What's the difference between a bomb & a condom?
In a bomb blast, population decreases
BUT in a condom blast, population increases.