1. What's the difference between Aussies and pigs ?
>>>
>>> Pigs don't turn into Aussies when they drink.
>>>
>>>>
2. What's the difference between an Australian and a
>>> computer ?
>>>
>>> You only have to punch information into a computer once.
>>>
>>>
>>>3. Why do birds fly upside down over Australian ?
>>>
>>> It's not worth shitting on.
>>>
>>>
>>>4. Why was the Christ Child not born in Australia ?
>>>
>>> You'd have a job finding three wise men, much less
>>>a virgin !!!!
>>>
>>>
>>>5. What do you call a field full of Australians ?
>>>
>>> A vacant lot.
>>>
>>>
>>>6. Parachutes
>>>
>>> An Englishman, an Irishman, an Australian and a New
>>>Zealander were onboard a plane, getting ready to make their
>>>first parachute jump. The Englishman's exit was spectacular; he
>>>leapt out of the plane with the cry, " I am doing this for my
>>>country......" The Irishman leapt out immediately afterwards,
>>>calling out the same words. Then the New Zealanders ripped the
>>>parachute off the Australian, pushed him out of the plane and
>>>cried, "I am doing this for my country......"
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>7. Gandhi
>>>
>>> Most Australians aren't too good at history. For example,
>>>they think Gandhi's first name was Goosey Goosey.
>>>
>>>
>>>8. How do you define 144 Australians ?
>>>
>>> Gross stupidity.
>>>
>>>
>>>9. Height and Position
>>>
>>> The Aussie pilot, when asked for his height and position,
>>>replied, "I'm 5"11' and sitting in the front seat."
>>>
>>>
>>>10. What do you call an Aussie who scores well in an IQ test ?
>>>
>>> A cheat.
>>>
>>>
>>>11. An Aussie is proof that God has a sense humour.
>>>
>>>
>>>12. What do you call an Aussie with half a brain ?
>>>
>>> Gifted.
>>>
>>>
>>>13. The hundred dollar note
>>>
>>> If Santa Claus, a smart Aussie and a dumb blonde were in a
>>>room, and you tossed in a hundred dollar note, who would grab it
>>>first ? The blonde - the other two don't exist.
>>>
>>>
>>>14. How many Aussies does it take to make chocolate
>>>chip cookies ?
>>>
>>> Ten. One to make the butter, and nine to peel the M&Ms.
>>>
>>>
>>>15. What should you do if an Aussie throws a grenade at you ?
>>>
>>> Pull the pin and throw it back.
>>>
>>>
>>>16. Did you hear about the Aussie who had a brain transplant ?
>>>
>>> The brain rejected him a week later.
>>>
>>>
>>>17. What's the difference between yoghurt and Australians ?
>>>
>>> At least yoghurt starts with a little culture.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>18. Conversion
>>>
>>> An Englishman wanted to become an Irishman, so he visited
>>>a doctor to find out how to go about this. "Well", said the
>>>doctor, "this is a very delicare operation and there is a lot
>>>that can go wrong. I will have to remove half your brain."
>>>"That's OK", said the Englishman. "I have always wanted to be
>>>Irish and I am prepared to take the risk." The operation went
>>>ahead but Englishman woke to find a look of horror on the face
>>>of the doctor. "I'm so terribly sorry !" the doctor said
>>>"Instead of removing half the brain, I have a taken the whole
>>>brain out!" The patient replied, "It's all right mate !"
>>>
>>>
>>>19. What does an Australian girl use for protection
>>>during sex ?
>>>
>>>A bus shelter.
>>>
>>>
>>>20. Newsflash !
>>>
>>> Paul Keating's library burned down at weekend and two books
>>>were destroyed ! The real tragedy was that he hadn't finished
>>>colouring in one of them.
>>>
>>>
>>>21. Japanese Camera
>>>
>>> There's a Japanese firm that has developed a camera with a
>>>shutter speed so fast it can actually catch an Aussie with his
>>>mouth shut.
>>>
>>>
>>>22. An Australian
>>>
>>> An Australian is someone who thinks that the three major
>>>political parties in Australia are Labour, Liberal and Cocktail.
>>>
>>>
>>>23. IQ
>>>
>>> Did you know that New Zealanders who eimigrate to Australia
>>>raise the IQ of both countries ?
>>>