You Know You're Getting Old When...

Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper....

Your back goes out more than you do...

You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police...

A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.....

You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along....

When "getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot....

An "all-nighter" means not getting up to go to the bathroom till morning....

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room....

Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefooted....

When going bra-less pulls the wrinkles out of your face....

You start singing along with the elevator music...

An old lady offers you her seat on the bus...

You've owned clothes so long that they've come back into style.......twice...

8 am is your idea of sleeping in...

People call you at 9 pm and ask "Did I wake you?"...

The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants....

You don't like to drive after dark...

You begin a sentence by saying, "When I was your age..."

Nobody ever tells you to slow down...

You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it...

You have to get a permit to light the candles on your birthday cake...

Your best friend is dating someone half his age....and isn't breaking any laws..

You can't sit still without falling asleep...

You start believing that you really did walk five miles to school barefoot and in the snow.....