I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
- David Bissonette
====================================
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
- Sacha Guitry
====================================
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
====================================
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
====================================
A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
====================================
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
====================================
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Freud
====================================
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
====================================
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
- Henny Youngman
====================================
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
- Sam Kinison
====================================
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic
banking. It's called marriage."
- James Holt McGavran
====================================
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."
- Patrick Murray
====================================
It's true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get married!
====================================
Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would
have preferred.
====================================
Marry not a tennis player. For love means nothing to them.
====================================
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
====================================
My wife only has 2 complaints. Nothing to wear and not enough closet space.
====================================
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
====================================
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
====================================
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
=============================================
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
====================================
"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."
- Rodney Dangerfield