More bad news on this insidious drug - make the pledge now - turn to wine!

Yesterday scientists announced to the world the alarming results of a recent analysis that found the presence of female hormones in beer.

This comes as a cruel blow to all men. It is advised that if you are male between the ages of 18 and 85 you may need to seek medical assistance to assess your beer consumption.

WARNING: Drinking beer eventually turns men into women.

THE TEST: 100 men were fed 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period

THE RESULT: 100% of the men
1 Gained weight
2 Talked excessively without making sense
3 Became overly emotional
4 Couldn't drive
5 Failed to think rationally
6 Argued over nothing
7 Had to sit down while urinating
8 Refused to apologise when wrong

No further testing is planned.