1. >Your last name stays put.>
2. >The garage is all yours.>
3. >Wedding plans take care of themselves.>
4. >Chocolate is just another snack.>
5. >You can be president.>
6. >You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.>
7. >Car mechanics tell you the truth.>
8. >You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.>
9. >The world is your urinal.>
10. >You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.>
11. >Same work... more pay.>
12. >Wrinkles add character.>
13. >Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.>
14. >People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.>
15. >The occasional well-rendered belch or fart is practically expected.>
16. >New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.>
17. >Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?">
18. >One mood, ALL the damn time.>
19. >Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.>
20. >You know stuff about tanks.>
21. >A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.>
22. >You can open all your own jars.>
23. >Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.>
24. >You can leave the motel bed unmade.>
25. >You can kill your own food.>
26. >You get extra credit for the slightest act of Thoughtfulness.>
27. >If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.>
28. >Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.>
29. >If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.>
30. >Everything on your face stays its original color.>
31. >Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.>
32. >You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.>
33. >You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking: "He must be mad at me.">
34. >You don't mooch off other's desserts.>
35. >You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.>
36. >You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.>
37. > You almost never have strap problems in public.>
38. >You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.>
39. >The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.>
40. >You don't have to shave below your neck.>
41. >Your belly usually hides your big hips.>
42. >One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.>
43. >You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.>
44. >You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.>
45. >You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.