Version One:

An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn't know anyone
who would spade up his potato garden.

The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that
garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!!!!!"

At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but
didn't find any guns.

Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.

His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."

Version Two:

Place and time: somewhere in the Soviet Union in the 1930s. The phone rings at KGB headquarters.

"Hello?"

"My neighbor Ivan Asimov is an enemy of the State. He is hiding undeclared diamonds in his woodshed."

"This will be noted."

The next day, the KGB goons go over to Asimov's house. They search the shed where the firewood is
kept, break every piece of wood, find no diamonds, swear at Asimov, and leave.

The phone rings at Asimov's house.

"Hello, Ivan! Did the KGB come?"

"Yes."

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yes, they did."

"Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my vegetable patch plowed."