a couple gets married. 40 years later, they're in
the same hotel, in the same room. She takes off
her clothes, lies down on the bed, spreads her
legs. . . and he starts to cry. she says, "What's
the matter?" he says, "40 years ago i coun't wait
to eat it, and now it looks like it wants to eat
me."
===================================================

When do you know you're really ugly?
Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
===================================================

Leeds is drinking all afternoon and suddenly
pukes all over his shirt. He slobbers, "My wife
is gonna kill me." The bartender says, "Put a
twenty-dollar bill in your top pocket and tell
your wife that a drunk threw up on you and then
gave you the twenty bucks to get it cleaned." He
agrees it's a great idea. When he gets hime, he
walks in, tells her the story, and hands her the
money. She says, "But there's forty-dollars
here." He says, "Yeah, he shit in my pants, too."
===================================================

Why do men pay more than women for car insurance?
Because women don't get blow jobs while they're
driving.
===================================================

A college kid says to his friend, "I fucked my
roommate in the ass last night." His friend says,
"No shit?" He says, "A little."
===================================================

Mrs. Bandlow says to her husband, I had the
strangest dream last night. It was Christmas, and
our tree was decorated with all kinds of penises.
White ones, black ones, circumsized and
uncircumsized, big and small. And on the top of
the tree was the perfect penis." Bandlow says, "I
bet that one was mine." She says, "Sorry, honey,
it wasn't." He says, "You know, it's weird, but i
had almost the same dream. A Christmas tree
decorated with pussies . . . shaven and unshaven,
thin and thick lips, scented and unscented . . .
and the one on the top was the perfect pussy."
She says, "I suppose that one on the top was
mine?" He says, "Mope. Yours was holding up the
tree."

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