Chemical Analysis of 'Woman'

Element : Woman
Symbol : Wo
Atomic Mass : Accepted at 53.6Kg but may vary from 49Kg to 200Kg
Occurence : Copious quanitities in all urban areas

Physical Properties:
- Surface usually covered with painted film
- Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason
- Melts if given special treatment
- Bitter if incorrectly used
- Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore
- Yields to pressure applied to correct points

Chemical Properties:
- Has great affinity for gold, silver
- Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
- may explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason
- Activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol
- Most powerful money reducing agent known to man

Common Uses:
- Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
- Can be a great aid in relaxation
- Very effective cleaning agent

Tests:
- Specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state
- Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

Potential Hazards:
- Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
- Illegal to posses more than one specimen, although several can be
maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into
direct contact with each other