HOLIDAY FRUITCAKE RECIPE

You will need the following: A cup of
water, a cup of sugar, four large brown
eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon
of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice,
nuts, and a bottle of whiskey.

Sample the whiskey and check for quality.

Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey
again. To be sure it is the highest quality,
pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of
butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one
teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry
another tup. Turn off the mixer. Beat two
leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the
cup of dried fruit. Mix on the tuner. If
the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers,
pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whiskey and check for
tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt.
Or something. Who cares? Check the
whiskey. Now sift the lemon uice and strain
your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of
sugar of something. Whatever you find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350
degrees. Don't forget to beat off the
turner. Throw the bowl out of the window.
Check the whiskey again and go to bed.